I'm so tired. When the adrenaline runs out it's as if there's nothing to live for. So what if I killed a group of proxies. Just victims killing victims, and it's not even as if there's a shortage. I just want it to end. no matter how it turns out I just want it to end.

In the 1960s there was something called Project MKULTRA. Citizens from both Canada and the US were exposed to various hallucinogenic drugs, resulting in at least one death. the goal? Mind control. when you've captured their minds there's nothing left. you've won.

so many people say that He's a thing of chaos. they're wrong. he's the symbol of order, a new and terrible order that no one can escape. he's going to get every one of you, one way or another. we're all just waiting for our own private apocalypse, and it wears a black business suit.

Progress

Last night was fun. I don't know where Shady is but I have the vague feeling that I've contributed in some way.

The proxies? They expected someone to be hiding behind the door.
They weren't expecting me to shoot through said door.
After a clusterfuck of blood and steel, I exited with several flesh wounds.
To Maurice: I think a couple of them might still have been alive. Let's hope He offers healthcare.

Anyways, I have a certain ex-sage to hunt in Pennsylvania. I don't know if this objective is my own or His, but either way I think it's best he be dead. And who knows?

I may just burn him.

À l'attaque!

Left Alex at the hotel.

Skipped happily through the woods, following the trees with (X)s on them.

Now Executor, you freaky bastard, if you're reading this I think it's by time you checked on two of your agents. I think their names were Warrant and Right. You people really need to learn something about modern warfare, i.e. projectile weaponry.

Oops, got to go. I hear more sons of bitches coming my way.

Man up

I don't know what the hell to believe in any more. I don't know what thoughts are mine and what actions have been of my own devising.

All I know is FUCK THIS BATHROOM.

I'm getting out of here, Torturer be damned.
Next destination: New Jersey. The Shady Lady requires assistance.






Alex better have the fucking van ready.

SCREAMING

Oh god I wish I wasn’t having a good day if only this was a bad one then I could ignore things and move on and maybe not have to sleep as much and forget and not be able to remember good god.

I don’t know what’s happened the last few days. I was sleeping or gone somewhere or comatose but I don’t know I really don’t know.

Can’t remember what happened before it started. I was driving somewhere (but I DON’T FUCKING DRIVE). It was quiet. The road seemed like the road was pulling me along like one of those toy racetracks instead of the car pushing me forward. Then he was there. Just for a fraction of a moment he was there. The car hit something I couldn’t see. I crashed through the front. I blocked my face with my arms oh fuck there’s cutsonmy armsfuckfuckfuck.

Woke up. Quiet. Overcast. Slightly damp.  No wind. I was... back home. On a road through the woods near my town. I knew the way back so I walked. It took longer than I expected. When I made it into town it was quiet. There was no one. No one. I emerged from the road near the mall. The doors weren’t locked (why should it have been it was a Friday haha). There is nothing creepier than an empty food court. Again I saw him, further down the main hall. Of course, I legged it.

There was only one place I could go. Did I mention that I was living with my mother when this started? I just realized I don’t know what happened to her. I wasn’t reported missing. I walked home.

Eery. It’s eery to see the place you grew up as a lifeless husk. The subdivision was vacant. The playground I played in as a kid was motionless. Again. More running.

My house. The place we moved when I was six and my brother was eight. My fucking house. It was so beautiful. So beautiful with a big (X) on it. I opened the door and I saw the field.

BURN HIM. I can’t get the fucking words out of my head. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, TORTURER. WHY DON’T YOU KILL ME? WHY DOES IT HAVE TO HURT SO MUCH. BURN HIM.

BURNHIM

HapPy bIRthday tome,
HaPpy birThdAy tome,
HAppy BirthDay to Ryan,
HapPy biRthdaY tome.

WaLDoboro

The trip to WaldOboRo was someWhat uneveNtful, allinall. When Alex andIgotto MaNTeo's "saFehouse" there wasn't much tosee.

Oneofthemenhad obvIOusly shot the other inthe head. He, in turn, was disembOWeled and hanGing upsIDe down from the cEilIng fan. I don't know, maybe I've just reaCHed a point where none of this suRPrises meany more. While Alex rusHed tothe batHRoom, I manaGed to recoveR ManteO's intel from the emptY-headed courier.

So here I am, back atthe hotel atteMpting to read a blood-soakEd lettEr writTen ina larGely forGotten NatiVe AMerican tongue while my chAuffeur/boDYguard is hitTing the town in order to foRCefully induCe retRograde aMnesia on himSelf.

Howis eVEryOne else?

ComFOrt

Time to fill all of you in. After haviNg limpeD away from BelfAst, ManteO told me to reTurn in order to retrieVE some items left formeat the bank. This severeLy friGhtened the young telLer atthe desk, asnot only wasI covEred in blood, butIwas also aday eaRly. I should read more thorouGhly. After assErting whohad sent me, I beCame the proud owner of a backPack, a change of cloThes, ten shells, 2000$ and a chauFfeur/bodYguard named Alex (hewasnotinthe safe). I am curRently stAying at a nice hotel. MAnteo, whoisin fact a buSineSsman runNing a proTectiOn ring for those who have been inFected, has agreeD to fiNance my miSsion. Iam cuRrently awaIting an importaNt pacKage, which is as aMbigUous asitis late.

Bring it, Zero.

BeLfast

ManTeo. I receIved a messAge from mAnteo urGing me to come to BelFast. When I aRrived I was told to kill a man named Wade SImmons. Wade SimmONs was a Zero folLower. I woulD like to reiTerate that sofarI have not seen a DIrECT link betwEen Zero and these peopLe, thoUgh they are evidentLy inspireD byhim.

When I conFIrmed MaNteo's inforMation onhim I went tohis place of work. A shoe shop. ApParently the first. When I walKed throuGh the door Wade beraTed meand said that the shop wasnota homEleSs shelTer. I shot himinthe knee. MantEo told mean exaMple wastobe made of Wade. I agReEd.When I began to clean mySelf off three hours later, Iwas hit from behind.

ManteO had told meof Wade's friends. They were not happy tosee Wade inthe condITion hewasin. They kicked me. Alot. The floor was very dirty from earLier. Then one screaMed.

Him. The TorTurer. I crawleD towarD the back door. Blood sprayeD the floor for a third time that day. Two of Wade's men traMpled meas they ran out the back door. I looked back. Onewas hardly recogniZAble. He was... reAching into the other. AsI made it into the back room there was one last scream. All that was left wasmeand Wade. I must getoutof BelfaSt. There istoo much blood.

He is followINg me.

Happy

Enjoying myself. Feeling REALLY GOOD. Finding money on the ground means I can eat more than garbage and food bank tomato sauce.

On the subject of Zero, I'm going to clarify things. No, the people I burned to death were not being directly ordered around by him. If anything, he was more of an object of worship than a leader. This pissed me off severely when three passed by discussing how he was our only hope etcetera etcetera (man I am feeling GOOD today).

I've looked good enough to be able to hitchhike today. I'm now in Portland. More urban, but nice sea air to breathe and park benches to sleep on.

As for you, Manteo, I've opened up communications. Let's hear what you have to offer.

I hope this day never ends.

EmergencE

Last night was intEresting. WalKing steadiLy with a compasS aimed southwest. ShadoWs meldinG toGether. SometiMEs it seemed like him. Often, itwas. Then I would run southwest. Iam fine. Eyes occaSionally seem to inVert, but otHerwise fine. 

CurreNt locaTion: BridGewater, Maine. Zero is going togo throuGh Maine. Itis just a mattEr of knoWing where in Maine. Iamnot going in withOut a plan. I have ideas. UNorthodoX ones but plans noneTheless. Asan addEd advaNtage, the woNderful RobeRt Sage has desTroyed Zero's sword.

Iam going to find him. When Ido, no more will die beCause ofhim.

19 shells. 10 bodies. Let's add anoTHer.

I like Maine. It remiNds meof home.

SiGnoUt

HeaDing acrOss the boRder toniGht. Large foResTed area. Fewifany sheLteRs. It's going tobefun.

What isitI want? ImMeadiAtelY, tosee Zero dead andthe world slIghtLy safer. Itis daNgerOus enoUgh wiThout a madmAn killIng foran unjUstIFiable cause.

I want tobe able to sleep more than three hours a week. I want tobe able to look at a tree andsay: my, what a nice tree. I want tobe able to look throUgh windOws witHOut the fear of seeinG the gates of hell open before me. MosTly, I want to forGet. ForgEt that I've kiLled ten peOple withOut a shred of reGret. I want to forgeT what hapPenEd the night I went to kill AdriAn and wound up dying myseLf. I want to foRget that the world isnota place where safEty isthe deFault state. I want to forGet that I once hada fUTure that wasnot inunDatEd with death.

I want evERyone to fOrget.

The FaCtory

Near the CanAda-US boRder. HeaDing south.

Found anold teXtile mill. AbaNdoned duriNg some legal dispute, probaBly. Near a forEst, soitwas just a maTter of time befoRe soMeOne was sent. A prOxie. Let’s call him Henry. Henry juMped meinthe woods with a shoVel. Hewasnot exPecTing meto bite hisearoff. I clubbEd him with the shOvel beFore he could reCOver.

There has been somEThing I have wanTed to test fora while. What happeNs to caPtive proxIes?

EXPeRIMENt 1:

Henry has been inthe coRNer of a small, windOWless room for three hours now. When he first woke upand realIzed that hewas tied toa chair, he was not hapPy.

Henry: You fuCking basTard! I’m going to kill you!

Me: Hello.

(Long pause)

Henry: They told meyou were messEd up. I didN’t reaLIse He let nutJObs get away.

Me: SaNIty is reLatIve ifnot non-EXistant. Weare going todoa test. Areyou fine with that?

Henry: NoIamnot fuCKing FINE with that! Letmegoyou ear-eatiNg pSycho!

Me (sighing): It appEaRs only oneofusis going to learn a lessOn today.

(I drag the chair into the room)

Henry: What the fuck areyou doing?!?

Me: TeSting a theOry.

(I close the door)

Henry hasyetto disaPpear. It seems that I was right aboUt blind spots, butI haven’t yet solved my quesTIon.

ExcuSe me while I shoot Henry.